The start of a new cycle: Why I terminated RentMasseur and turned to Gay Wellness.

At some point relationships end. The hardest ones are those we are not ready to let go of. But when it comes to ending our relationship with businesses, insecurity or a lack of satisfaction can easily trigger termination. 

I was reminded of this two days ago at my Hell’s Kitchen gym. It was early in the afternoon when, after a mediocre pump, I headed over to our coed steam room to relax and mitigate my seasonal allergies. I covered my lower body with a towel, and underneath, a cool pair of undies.

I like the steam room in the afternoons when it’s quiet. I’ve even had like 2 minutes totally for myself (New Yorkers know the privilege of privacy and space). And today was no different. There were probably 4 or 5 men when I walked in. The steam was in full action so it felt great to be there. Some people walked out, others in, including a female member, who soon after walked out. It must have been less than 10 minutes since I’d walked in, and in a swooping whoosh the steam room door opened and a deep baritone voice yelled: “Out! Everybody out of the steam room!” The few guys who were in there with me ran out like mice, and I, still crossed-legged taking in the steam on the upper level of the room, was trying to figure out what kind of emergency we were in, and how to get my body moving again so suddenly. It took me about a minute to stand up. As I was making my way out, still covered by the fogginess of the steam, the baritone voice from outside repeated: “Anyone who’s not wearing proper attire in the steam room will be terminated!” I was at the door when the man finished his deadly warning, and I recognized who he was. “I like him, he’s one of the managers” I thought. I gently pulled up the bottom right side of my towel to reveal my underwear. He recognized me too. We had a friendly interaction in the past and I know the man’s got a job to do. Witnessing my genteel reveal, he said: “Not you, obviously.” We laughed. But what’s going on? I asked. Why are you getting us out of the steam room? “Someone complained about a man not wearing proper underclothes in the steam room” he said. OK, so what…you’re getting us out of the steam room because you’re going to … clean in there? I asked. The manager looked puzzled searching for a reasonable answer to explain why he had to close the steam room after that “bare balls” attack complaint. Look, why don’t you go to the sauna and warm up there, he told me. I’ll let you know when the steam room is ready. Perfect, I said. In fact, about 10 minutes later he did. But when I walked into the sauna, one young guy in there asked what was going on, and I told him about someone complaining for having seen a man “without underwear or whatever. Like, are we in fucking Texas or something?” I overheard myself saying that and at the same time thinking—wait a minute, I was just in Austin, Texas and I LOVE it there, so …—The kid laughed but the woman to his far right—there was no-one else in the sauna— made a physical gesture in total silence that showed me how clearly pissed she was that women had to always cover up when some men don’t give a damn about walking in (naked) under their towels in a coed steam room.

I have seen guys do that. I am actually guilty of such nasty behavior myself, a couple of times. Such a dangerous thing to do in a coed steam room. Yes, I’m guilty too. For a reason I wear my Nasty Pigs with pride. But as I get older, I’ve come to agree with Carrie Bradshaw when she said, and I’m paraphrasing here, that at a certain point in life, you’ve got to “cover it up a little.” And I know she was talking about women but I feel that men can also benefit from her advice. A coed sauna is an obvious example. In Queer spaces, I think anyone who puts on a leather harness looks so much better than without, regardless of the kind of body they have. On the contrary, there are places where the naked body should shine. The shower stalls and the locker room at the gym have been some of the most fulfilling voyeuristic experiences I’ve had. And of course, I would always prefer a clothing-optional beach. It’s thrilling to see other people naked, for good or bad, and it feels amazing to be naked in nature. And yet, some bodies can look even hotter in a thong than fully naked because the “lack of full-access” makes for a much more sensual visual effect.

After all, don’t we all like a little bit of fantasy?

That’s another reason why I dig masks. 

Masks not only cover up your face, they transform you. Looking at yourself wearing a mask (or a hood) can ignite a connection with that part of your psyche in need of submission, of not taking charge. On the flip side, wearing a mask—or a leather cap—can trigger a spark on your dominant, confident side, conveying authority and control.  Masks can reassure your talents as a sub or a dom and they add playfulness to the dullness of life.

This is part of the appeal of puppy play. Those into it, use the paraphernalia of pup play to access the submissive or dominant aspects of their personality. A sub wearing their pup gear can wig their tale to their master(s) to indicate they are ready for play time. Doms can feel the connection with their pups looking at them in gear, throwing them a bone, playing out their caring, dominant part; watching their subs become their loyal pups.

Loyalty, of course, is a two-way street. We are loyal to our loved ones, our family, our friends and fans. What underlies that loyalty is reciprocity of love. You love someone as a reflection of their love for you. Your loved ones, in fact, mirror the love you have for yourself, even when you are not “happy" with yourself. That’s when loyalty comes in. A loved one is there for you regardless of good or bad times because you are there for them equally, in good or bad times. 

When it comes to businesses or services, we become “loyal” to brands that represent our personal interests, whose philosophy aligns with ours. We hire masseurs, practitioners, attorneys, accountants! Those who provide us with a service that shows attention, responsibility and care. And we stick to them because we like the way they conduct their business or the standards they uphold to their ideas, products or services. 

That’s why I have spent the past nine years at my local Hell’s Kitchen gym. But I’ve also noticed a recent change in the energy of the place. There are now way too many younger guys more focused on their phones than on their workouts—although that may be the new normal—and the gym is losing its spark. After my incident in the steam room, I seriously considered terminating my contract with them. Perhaps, I thought, I’d better go to a gym where at least the steam room is not coed. But then I dug a little deeper at my frustration and that’s when my recent trip to Austin, Texas came back strong.

Have I told you how much I love Austin?

Gold's Gym S Austin

At this moment, and by the grace of the spirit of this island, my life’s purpose is keeping me in New York. After almost two decades living here, I am married to Manhattan, so to speak. 

But if Manhattan is my non-husband, Austin is my Texan Lover.

Austin Sky in Late April

It’s my third time in Austin, and as always, I am thrilled to be here. 

Thrilling is not an understatement. After all, a couple of friends of mine raised an eyebrow when I mentioned I was going to Texas in the middle of the panicky crackdown on aliens, undocumented or not.

I had no second thoughts, only strong reasons to go. 

I needed some healing time with my lover Austin.

And, as expected, he did not disappoint. 

Austin Clouds to Sun

One of the greatest differences I experience between Manhattan versus Austin, is that people in Austin actually look you in the eye. And for as much as I enjoy using blindfolds, I really love to make eye contact as well. Could it be that my demeanor in Austin is different because I don’t live there?

Green Austin from Sky

When I’m here, I feel different. It’s the green, the weather, the expansive land against the restrictive nature of Manhattan that somehow put my guards down. But, aside from the wonders of nature of this land, it’s been my encounters with people here what has made Austin, my home 2.

That is, as long as I can manage without having to use a car. But that’s another story. 

In this one, I am located precisely where I need to be—within walking distance to all I need (and a 20 min Über ride to the Austin Eagle)—in a room larger than my apartment in Manhattan.

Sometimes, all you need is some space.

My frustration at my local gym in Hell’s Kitchen was exacerbated by the fact that three days working out at a local Gold’s Gym in Austin, had made my body feel totally different. Wow all these machines…My NYC gym could really use some of these! I thought. 

So in search of new machines, once I got back to New York I headed over to U, David Barton’s latest venture in Chelsea. U [https://www.gymunyc.com/ ] opened in 2023 and it is exactly where the old David Barton gym used to be, before Crunch temporarily took over. U has David’s signature style and taste all over, which extends to the really cozy ShrUmz Cafe inside the gym.

ShrUmz Cafe at U Gym, Chelsea

Inside the gym proper, there are two floors packed with a wide variety of machines and mind-blowing muscle-training equipment. The Panatta from Italy—the Ferrari of training machines—are spectacular. For someone who used to workout in the old DB, coming back to this YMCA classic location feels like a vindication. Like this is the gym we were waiting for. Some of the old features, like their big coed sauna and separate steam rooms for men and women have been kept intact, so it all feels very familiar. Aside from the upgraded cool interior design, the new machines are what makes working out here feel like a brand new experience. 

Panatta equipment designed and made in Italy at U

And as for the crowd? Well, you should definitely come and check-it out for yourself. 

I must say, that whole deal with David Barton opening up TMPL in Hell’s Kitchen only to sell it to New York Sports Club later was awful. Luckily it didn’t last very long. TMPL is another “fashionable” gym chain in New York now but its Hell’s Kitchen branch feels a bit stuck and uninspiring, except for the sights of some of the hottest HK creatures that still go there. Some work out at U as well. Where TMPL disappoints, in U, David has outdone himself. The sheer volume of machinery takes it to another level. The craziest part about these machines is how “intuitive” they are, how quickly one gets to understand how they work. I love their thoughtful design, how much these Italian minds studied the body-machine-exercise relationship and found innovating ways to trigger different muscles in the body. And let’s not forget about the music—the curation of U’s playlist and the sound level on the floor, plus the guest DJ’s appearances—make for a fantastic headphones-free workout, something I treasure dearly.The sad part of U—no-gym is ever perfect—are the areas designated for cardio and stretching. The cardio area is particularly depressing, which is interestingly, the strongest selling point of my local HK gym; and of course, if you’re a swimmer, U alone won’t do it.

When it comes to satisfaction, are we willing to go beyond our constrains to get what we want?

Outdoor backyard at Eagle Austin

For an avid runner like myself, the best feature of my local gym is location. Getting to the Hudson riverside or Central Park from Hell’s Kitchen is easy. And I truly love warming up at my gym and then heading over to the river or the park for a long run. Jogging in Central Park is the most New York thing I could ever do. Completing a loop in the park is tough but to feel like a part of the lungs of Manhattan is exhilarating and healing. The sights one gets are incredibly rewarding and every time I jog past the Egyptian Obelisk, with gratitude, I travel through time and space, breathing in and out. Regardless of time of year, jogging in the park always feels like a sacred privilege, one that I am not willing to let go of yet.

Giant Elmo in Central Park

So for now, and in the spirit of openness and complete satisfaction  😜  I am keeping a dual-membership in HK and Chelsea, at least that since dual-citizenship is not even an option for me. 

Sometimes two is better than one.

Which brings me back to the title of this blog entry, why I decided to terminate my account with Rentmasseur.

When I joined the Hamburg-based company in 2016, Rentmasseur was a safe haven for those of us who prefer some anonymity online. Now RM is asking all their members to submit ID’s to continue advertising, with no recourse or guarantee of privacy protection for those who are not members of the European Union. I opted out and canceled my membership.

Now, you can find me on Gay Wellness at https://gaywellness.com/amaru 

Aside from the obvious, Gay Wellness sounds more aligned with what I do. After all, my purpose in a session is to ignite a feeling of wellness that can be somehow transformative for both. In my view, the process has always been a journey of various paths: tantric, for the ignition and movement of kundalini energy, the goal of the experience, and shamanistic in the sense of protection and care. I am finally adding the Leather aspect of it, as it is an equal part of my practice, which I call Shamanic Tantric Leather Journeys for MEN.  

Please take a look at my new profile and feel free to explore my website, as I have made some changes there to reflect my new listing. 

And if you feel like sharing, would you kindly pass it along to those you think may want to work with me?

Yours truly,

A.A

https://gaywellness.com/amaru

The Tantric Leather Part: Eroticism in my practice

Take a good look at the image below. Do you find it erotic?

The maker of this collage thinks it’s tantric because “(i)t awakens different sensations.” What do you make of that? Is the awakening of sensations a tantric thing?

Sensations result out of either physical or imagined stimuli. I love good porn because it gets me hard. Likewise, I may sense that someone likes me or not without knowing the “truth.” Eroticism, I feel, appears in a similar fashion. You know it in your body when it’s there—you’re turned on—or your mind is activated by desire, the stuff of fantasies and such.

In episode 3 of Barbarians Season 2 [*Spoiler Alert] there’s a surprising twist in the relationship between Marbod, a tribal chief, and Flavus, brother of Ari.

While Flavus remains loyal to the Romans, his older brother Ari is now a traitor. Marbod was once just like Ari and Flavus, a boy offered to the Roman Empire as tribute. But that’s in the past. Marbod is now chief of his tribe and his wife acts as if she were queen of the land. Ari hopes to find in Marbod an ally but Flavus appears in the scene and uses Marbod as a way to get to his brother, who’s been hiding from the Romans. We know that the three, Marbod, Ari and Flavus shared a life together. But what is revealed in episode 3 is that Marbod and Flavus were lovers. “I missed you”says Marbod to Flavus in private as they hold each other in embrace. Then comes the kiss. One kiss in the neck is all it takes to awaken the root chakra. That’s the sensation I get. That I just witnessed a moment of erotic energy that doesn’t need to be explicit to be powerfully imaginative. A voyeuristic tantric moment.

Since the erotic is related to the arousal of sexual desire, a tantric experience can be very much erotic—for both—the practitioner and the subject, as long as it arises in an organic sort of way. Before Marbod kisses Flavus, they dance a little bit, moving around in a circle that gets tighter and closer as they look at each other in the eye. That “moving around” reminds me of the image of the snake coiling its tail for protection—awakening the root chakra—building up energy. I find the kiss in the neck erotic because as a viewer I’ve been taken into their sphere of intimacy in a wonderfully orchestrated directorial move. When the erotic happens in my practice is because we’ve arrived there at our own accord, and there’s nothing more to say about it. When that happens, I simply allow myself to experience the moment.

Leather, kinky play, fetishes, submission, domination. Exploring different aspects of my self and accepting I am who I am. That I am human and that I’m here to experience what it’s like to be alive. That it’s OK to be different and to desire different things. It’s OK if you enjoy getting spanked or if you like to worship feet. It’s OK if part of you wants to submit, or if you let that dominant side of you to take over. As long as it’s cool for all parties, as long as erotic energy flows uninhibited—that is, without trying to control the outcome—then it’s alright. It’s OK to be a boy when everyone sees you as a dad. It’s OK to be different. To offer yourself. To heal from pain through pleasure as well as to endure pain, for a certain level of discomfort can awaken a different kind of perception about oneself. While healing from anything is a personal journey, I believe the ultimate goal of a session that involves erotic stimulation is to learn to feel comfortable with oneself, in body, mind and spirt.

If erotic energy has been released in the pursuit of that happiness, a moment of tantric bliss, I allow myself to rejoice in the power of pleasure, which our dear queer spirit Reinaldo Arenas called “the only weapon that we [los homosexuales] possess” (169)*, and I use that weapon to heal.

Like anything else, these moments come and go, they arise and they leave.

Nothing is permanent, therefore accepting and letting go become the practice.

I breathe, I take it in, I let it go. That is the practice.

So how do you go from shamanic healing to leather play?

I believe they’re connected. It’s all about building trust, slowly making oneself comfortable in the body, allowing the breath to calm down the mind. This is the first step into the work; the start of a shamanic journey that awakens root chakra energy to use as medicine, as healing energy that moves through body, mind and spirit (heart).

Breathing in, holding on to the breath, squeezing the perineum, exhaling, letting go.

Taking it in, holding, releasing. Being present, mindful, alive.

In a relaxed state, touch is one of the simplest ways in which erotic energy can be activated. When mind and body are finally comfortable and aligned, a simple caress can ignite a healing response. Likewise, a mindful spank can trigger a different kind of sensation, a darker, heavier way of dealing with erotic energy that is beautiful and exciting as long as it is mindful and empty, free of judgment, void of pressure.

Letting go of ego, letting go of control and trusting the process are key, and so is the negotiation between the dom and the sub selves, especially about how the erotic energy generated is to be shared. Of course, in a first session all you do is become acquainted, so this negotiation I speak about is built upon time.

And naturally, it can also end, so you have to be prepared for that. To release it when it no longer serves you. To let it go. And that’s a very shamanic way to see it. To wrestle with our human fate, to accept change, to be able to express yourself and love freely and move on without attachment to the past, to gain a deeper appreciation for the present moment.

It’s all we have.

---

To check out Rico’s original collage series “Obsessions, War_Hol(e) Stamps” please visit: https://www.asobinyproductions.com/post/obsessions-war_hol-e-stamps

*The Dissidence of Reinaldo Arenas: Queering Literature, Politics, and the Activist Curriculum. Barros, Ocasio, and Willis. University of Florida Press. 2022.

Boston Calling

As always, thank you for remaining connected through this site and a special shut out to all of you in Boston who have responded so promptly regarding my upcoming trip there.

Yes, it'll be a hit-and-run kind of affair, with only two days in Boston, but I hope to go back there in the future and build upon this upcoming visit. If you have met me, you know I prefer to get to know you through time. And yet, I am always OK if we only see each other once.

That said, I thought I'd share with you an exchange I had yesterday with a Bostonian man who was curious about my work but wanted to know a little more about my practice. In his words:

"I am interested in a 90 min. experience and learning more about a session too. What's involved, cost, what to expect..."

His message stood out because he used the word "experience" which not many people do. So I was certainly looking forward to meeting him. Unfortunately, my limited availability meant that our schedules wouldn't work this time around. So I answered via text:

Yes. First, I am flexible with rates. I'm sure we can agree on something that works for both. Then, just in general, I use tantric shamanic methods to help you relax and let go of control. Leather is part of the equation as I know the cathartic effects of a spanking or flogging, for example.

My goal is to create a safe space in which we both have an opportunity to be more fluid and in the moment.

You can also see it as what it is, a journey in the shamanic sense of traveling with vision. In the work I do, the experience is more immersive as it involves sound, scents and touch.

I can of course take care of muscle soreness and the like, and I use hot water to release muscular tension, so the session is therapeutic as well.

Hope this helps.

To which he replied:

"Very helpful. I'm intrigued ... like the idea as a sexual alpha of giving up the control."

Exactly.

And that is just one side of the coin. There are also men who would normally consider themselves submissive but who really aren't. Submission--for some--is about giving up control looking for a dom who can do what the sub wants. That's another form of control. The passive-aggressive kind. And there's nothing wrong with that. It's just a lot of work, and not the fun kind.

I am not here to fulfill fantasies. I offer my craft to you so that we both can have the opportunity to be more mindful and at ease in each other's presence.

Which reminds me, someone else asked if I do what I do because I like to be in control. Sure, there is a part of me that enjoys that kind of power, but ultimately this is not about wanting to be in control. It's about letting go. I have to be in control of the experience because I am inviting you into my practice. But that doesn't mean that my role is fixed. Whenever I go into a session, I too, have to learn to be fluid and mindful of my actions. And you have to feel safe being with me in my space, and vice versa, so that we both can go into the experience trusting that the journey has a structure-- a beginning, a middle and an end--and that we both will feel 'transformed' so to speak, by it.

The key to this is non-action. That means mindfulness. Anchoring one's mind in the breath and learning to trust the intuitive nature we all possess, to just be.

That is the practice.