Take a good look at the image below. Do you find it erotic?
The maker of this collage thinks it’s tantric because “(i)t awakens different sensations.” What do you make of that? Is the awakening of sensations a tantric thing?
Sensations result out of either physical or imagined stimuli. I love good porn because it gets me hard. Likewise, I may sense that someone likes me or not without knowing the “truth.” Eroticism, I feel, appears in a similar fashion. You know it in your body when it’s there—you’re turned on—or your mind is activated by desire, the stuff of fantasies and such.
In episode 3 of Barbarians Season 2 [*Spoiler Alert] there’s a surprising twist in the relationship between Marbod, a tribal chief, and Flavus, brother of Ari.
While Flavus remains loyal to the Romans, his older brother Ari is now a traitor. Marbod was once just like Ari and Flavus, a boy offered to the Roman Empire as tribute. But that’s in the past. Marbod is now chief of his tribe and his wife acts as if she were queen of the land. Ari hopes to find in Marbod an ally but Flavus appears in the scene and uses Marbod as a way to get to his brother, who’s been hiding from the Romans. We know that the three, Marbod, Ari and Flavus shared a life together. But what is revealed in episode 3 is that Marbod and Flavus were lovers. “I missed you”says Marbod to Flavus in private as they hold each other in embrace. Then comes the kiss. One kiss in the neck is all it takes to awaken the root chakra. That’s the sensation I get. That I just witnessed a moment of erotic energy that doesn’t need to be explicit to be powerfully imaginative. A voyeuristic tantric moment.
Since the erotic is related to the arousal of sexual desire, a tantric experience can be very much erotic—for both—the practitioner and the subject, as long as it arises in an organic sort of way. Before Marbod kisses Flavus, they dance a little bit, moving around in a circle that gets tighter and closer as they look at each other in the eye. That “moving around” reminds me of the image of the snake coiling its tail for protection—awakening the root chakra—building up energy. I find the kiss in the neck erotic because as a viewer I’ve been taken into their sphere of intimacy in a wonderfully orchestrated directorial move. When the erotic happens in my practice is because we’ve arrived there at our own accord, and there’s nothing more to say about it. When that happens, I simply allow myself to experience the moment.
Leather, kinky play, fetishes, submission, domination. Exploring different aspects of my self and accepting I am who I am. That I am human and that I’m here to experience what it’s like to be alive. That it’s OK to be different and to desire different things. It’s OK if you enjoy getting spanked or if you like to worship feet. It’s OK if part of you wants to submit, or if you let that dominant side of you to take over. As long as it’s cool for all parties, as long as erotic energy flows uninhibited—that is, without trying to control the outcome—then it’s alright. It’s OK to be a boy when everyone sees you as a dad. It’s OK to be different. To offer yourself. To heal from pain through pleasure as well as to endure pain, for a certain level of discomfort can awaken a different kind of perception about oneself. While healing from anything is a personal journey, I believe the ultimate goal of a session that involves erotic stimulation is to learn to feel comfortable with oneself, in body, mind and spirt.
If erotic energy has been released in the pursuit of that happiness, a moment of tantric bliss, I allow myself to rejoice in the power of pleasure, which our dear queer spirit Reinaldo Arenas called “the only weapon that we [los homosexuales] possess” (169)*, and I use that weapon to heal.
Like anything else, these moments come and go, they arise and they leave.
Nothing is permanent, therefore accepting and letting go become the practice.
I breathe, I take it in, I let it go. That is the practice.
So how do you go from shamanic healing to leather play?
I believe they’re connected. It’s all about building trust, slowly making oneself comfortable in the body, allowing the breath to calm down the mind. This is the first step into the work; the start of a shamanic journey that awakens root chakra energy to use as medicine, as healing energy that moves through body, mind and spirit (heart).
Breathing in, holding on to the breath, squeezing the perineum, exhaling, letting go.
Taking it in, holding, releasing. Being present, mindful, alive.
In a relaxed state, touch is one of the simplest ways in which erotic energy can be activated. When mind and body are finally comfortable and aligned, a simple caress can ignite a healing response. Likewise, a mindful spank can trigger a different kind of sensation, a darker, heavier way of dealing with erotic energy that is beautiful and exciting as long as it is mindful and empty, free of judgment, void of pressure.
Letting go of ego, letting go of control and trusting the process are key, and so is the negotiation between the dom and the sub selves, especially about how the erotic energy generated is to be shared. Of course, in a first session all you do is become acquainted, so this negotiation I speak about is built upon time.
And naturally, it can also end, so you have to be prepared for that. To release it when it no longer serves you. To let it go. And that’s a very shamanic way to see it. To wrestle with our human fate, to accept change, to be able to express yourself and love freely and move on without attachment to the past, to gain a deeper appreciation for the present moment.
It’s all we have.
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To check out Rico’s original collage series “Obsessions, War_Hol(e) Stamps” please visit: https://www.asobinyproductions.com/post/obsessions-war_hol-e-stamps
*The Dissidence of Reinaldo Arenas: Queering Literature, Politics, and the Activist Curriculum. Barros, Ocasio, and Willis. University of Florida Press. 2022.